you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
