If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was confusing and full of hummus
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize