your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
