2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
