I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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