Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
