I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
