I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
