I think i peed on brittanys purse
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
a search helicopter?!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
