What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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