my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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