i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
