we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
