My nipple is on Facebook.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Randomize
