I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize