Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
