we made out on top of his cat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
