I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Plan B is the new Plan A
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
