I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
