he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
