We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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