All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize