Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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