I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
