I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
