If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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