Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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