She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
