I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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