Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
not ubering you a puppy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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