the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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