did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
