Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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