Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
