Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
