I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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