I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize