even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize