did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
