Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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