he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
