i was born a porn star she said
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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