yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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