every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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