Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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