I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
