Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
