lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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