I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
