Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
