FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
