I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize