Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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