I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
