never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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