Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
