I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
