I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
