Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
