I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
