i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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