Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
