Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
