Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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