my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize