tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
