i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
