Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
