his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
