shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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